Digital Parenting: An Adaptation for Parents on Millennial Era for Educating Children Adrian Triandi------Like doing business, parenting is a parent's long-term investment. Even with all its uncertainties, parenting is now a challenge for every parent. 10. 20, 50 years ago, your family's parenting method might be different from today's parenting. What's the difference? Technology. Technology has a big impact on many parents, even teachers, as parents in schools. In today's digital era, almost all matters are inseparable from the role of technology and information, including in the parenting patterns of children, the majority of whom were born in the millennial era. Children and Digitalization Having children in this technology era, of course, there is no way we can exclude our children from technology and gadgets. The presence of digital communication technology today has greatly influenced communication within a family, even for us as parents. The phenomenon that occurs now is often encountered where each member of the family is engrossed in his own virtual world through the use of their sophisticated mobile phone. Mobile phone, which was originally only long-distance communication devices, have progressed from year to year, from simple telephones to the era of gadgets like today. The need for gadgets has indeed become something that cannot be separated from our activities. Maybe at first, parents just try to calm a tantrum (whining) child with gadgets, but then this becomes a habit and negates the role of parents in parenting. However, behind its excellence in facilitating communication and diverting the world of children, cellphones and other gadgets, there are problems that can reduce the meaning of friendship to trigger the sentence "bringing the far closer and the distance closer". In fact, in the end, parents also become preoccupied with their own digital communication tools, sometimes to the point of putting aside the interests of their children/families. This is the mistake of parents in educating their children, even because the parents are so busy that they cannot control the use of digital communication by their children. Incidents like this should be a warning for parents because they are expected to be good models for their children to emulate.Having children in this technology era, of course, there is no way we can exclude our children from technology and gadgets. The presence of digital communication technology today has greatly influenced communication within a family, even for us as parents. The phenomenon that occurs now is often encountered where each member of the family is engrossed in his own virtual world through the use of their sophisticated mobile phone. Mobile phone, which was originally only long-distance communication devices, have progressed from year to year, from simple telephones to the era of gadgets like today. The need for gadgets has indeed become something that cannot be separated from our activities. Maybe at first, parents just try to calm a tantrum (whining) child with gadgets, but then this becomes a habit and negates the role of parents in parenting. However, behind its excellence in facilitating communication and diverting the world of children, cellphones and other gadgets, there are problems that can reduce the meaning of friendship to trigger the sentence "bringing the far closer and the distance closer". In fact, in the end, parents also become preoccupied with their own digital communication tools, sometimes to the point of putting aside the interests of their children/families. This is the mistake of parents in educating their children, even because the parents are so busy that they cannot control the use of digital communication by their children. Incidents like this should be a warning for parents because they are expected to be good models for their children to emulate. Parenting Theories and Practices In parenting theories, even we learning directly from our previous parents or studying it formally, we as new parents certainly have some of the same patterns. This pattern then gives "marks" to our children. At least you need to know some general patterns of parenting, namely authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, and democratic parenting. Authoritarian Parenting You will often see this parenting style when you or your friends once they difficult to get any permission from their parents. You want to invite your friends to go to the beach for a vacation, but your friends with this parenting usually answer "Sorry, I asked Mama first .., you guys go first". Parents with authoritarian parenting have complete control over all matters relating to their children. Not infrequently, they apply strict rules. It may even be that children of authoritarian parents do not know why these rules should exist. Authoritarian parents use more punishment than provide positive reinforcement for children's “wrong” behavior. This parenting style is quite effective for a while, but it will not make children immediately understand what is right and what is wrong. Permissive Parenting Permissive based parents let their children have control over themselves. As a result, parents often find it difficult to set rules, for example, those relating to routines. Children are usually also allowed to make their own choices, even if they are not always capable of being kind and making responsible decisions. As a further consequence, permissive parents may feel confused about how to control their children, thus allowing their children to continue to behave negatively. Democratic Parenting Democratic parents will maintain a balance between authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting. They will make sure the kids know and understand what they expect. Their focus is more on positive reinforcement for good behavior, rather than just punishing the child. Punishment is more of a learning opportunity that allows children to understand why their parents don't want their behavior. So, what if you as a parent want to supervise and guide your technology-literate children while playing their gadgets? Family researchers suggest using the XY theory. One of the well-known leadership concepts is the theory X and theory Y proposed by Douglas McGregor. If parents are said to adhere to theory X, the parents will always think negatively of their children, as if the child will make mistakes and always want to lie. What is the impact? Parents are easily suspicious and have probing questions and ask suspicious and interrogative questions. How is the effect of parental attitude like the one above? Feelings of distrust build up selfdefense mechanisms in children. Children will be at a distance from their parents and will be closed to their parents, keeping their hearts secret and even their activities. This is because he thought that if his parents found out they would think negatively. If something like this happens when the child is an early age, then the distance between the child and their parents will be even further away. Children little by little will build a wall between themselves and their parents, and the more mature this wall is, the thicker each child has problems the child will consult his friends, and here the influence of friends is very strong. The attitudes and ways of children dealing with problems also depend on who they are friends with and how their peers look and behave. Conversely, if parents apply the Y theory at home, the parents will think positively and always assume that children are innocent, kind, and honest creatures. Always believe that children will do good things, thoughts like this accompanied by sincere love without being unconditional will result in parents who always believe in their children who never question investigating or interrogatively. And facial expressions are always positive. How does this attitude affect children? The child will feel protected and understood. Children will tell all their problems without having to talk to their parents, as parents must listen attentively without being judgmental. We respond with a willingness to understand the point of view of their children and friends. Is the Y theory that children will not make mistakes? Not necessarily, the child will likely make mistakes, but the difference is that children will tell their problems to their parents. How do parents react to Y theory when their children make mistakes? The theory Y parents will not be angry or judge him. Parent Y believes that the child knows that his actions were wrong, and the theory Y parent will ask "What do you think of your doing?" If then the child complains about the problem, the parent of theory Y will ask again, "What can you help to solve it?" In principle, children want to be understood. They want to know whether their actions were good or bad, why they did them and in the end they want to be helped by their parents so they don't repeat bad things like that. As parents, of course we want to accompany them and their problems in life. However, the opportunity to accompany children will only be obtained by parents if they adhere to the Y theory. If parents always think positively, always listen, and always try to understand, then the parents who are the first to look for when having problems are parents. The effect of this wide-open line of communication between children and parents is what every parent desires. Imperfect Families As parents, being perfect in the process of parenting is an impossibility, because we are human beings, just like the process of raising children in the digital age. If we always behave in an authoritarian manner and apply theory X in the process of children's education, children can certainly look for other alternatives in cyberspace about what they think is right (in their perspective). As children, being a parent is a lifelong learning process. Why don't we imitate the attitude of a child who is still innocent, believes in many things so easily? We should also be able to believe in our children. Believe that they will understand if we guide them with love and without the need to be overly suspicious, especially in today's digital era. Imperfect family is a term that describes that, just like our children, both in the real world and virtual (digital), we both have the same chance of error. You, as parents, misunderstand what your child needs, for example, a discussion about something, say sex education, but we as parents suddenly get angry and judge that our children are being pornographic. Misunderstanding in today's digital life makes more and more families distance away because of technology and a crisis of trust between family members. No family is perfect, there are only learning families. Regardless of your condition, you are not too late to become a parent who can understand your child to each other. Being an adaptive parent and understanding children as best as possible is the key to educating children in today's digital era. Long live parents! ---Source: Gustafsson K. 2019. Selective parenting programs for parents with foreign backgrounds: cultural imperialism or democratic practices in social work?. Journal Nordic Social Work Research. https://doi.org/10.1080/2156857X.2019.1573750. McGregor D. 1960. The Human Side of Enterprise, New York. Picture: Freepik.com
